Channing Crowder = A Velociraptor
So I was watching Jurassic Park on Encore last night, and besides wanting to full-out scissor kick William H. Masey in the ribs, I realized something else, something very fascinating: Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder looks like a velociraptor.
You know, those stealth little creatures that hopped out of the brush and ate everyone? Yeah…..try and tell me you don’t believe in evolution NOW:
Then I started thinking about all the other attributes and how these two creatures compare–the tenacious personality, immense agility and the burning hunger for Buffalo Bills. And that’s when it hit me: Channing Crowder IS a velociraptor. Here’s the theory I’ve come up with:
-Velociraptors, or “Speedy Thieves,” were ruthless, carnivorous dinosaurs that existed in the Cretaceus Period about 85-million years ago.
With their extremely sharp teeth, aggressive nature and proficient hunting skills, velociraptors were masters of their domain and they feasted on small lizards and medium-sized hadrosaurids (duckbills).
-Furthermore, Channing Crowder, aka “Clam Crowder,” is a ruthless, predatory linebacker that currently plays for the Miami Dolphins, an NFL career that’s been in existence for five years.
With his dangerously sharp tongue, cat-like agility and killer instincts, Crowder is feared by opposing running backs and he feasts on New England Patriots and Rex Ryan’s leftovers.
Given all these scientific variables, plus the utilization of the transitive property, I have therefore concluded the two are one in the same. So, if you’re reading this Rex, you better put down that Philly cheese steak and look….
…right….
….behind you.
Because that’s what velociraptors do! They sneak up into your house and eat all your babies.
And by house I mean the Meadowlands…
…and by babies…
I mean Mark Sanchez.
Dolphins Cut Veteran Reggie Torbor
In a post from the Miami Dolphins Facebook page, the Dolphins have decided to part ways with veteran linebacker Reggie Torbor, reiterating the regime’s preference for youth and durability.
Torbor signed with the Dolphins as an unrestricted free agent from the New York Giants on March 1, 2008, a four-year deal worth around $14 million. He was drafted in the fourth-round by the Giants in 2004, where he won a ring in Super Bowl XLII.
The veteran linebacker was expected to be a reliable back-up to the otherwise inconsistent Channing Crowder this season, but he had an undisclosed surgery during the offseason which caused him to sit out of OTAs.
Torbor started two games for Miami last season posting 37 tackles and an interception in the absence of Crowder, who missed last season’s finale due to a Lisfranc fracture in his right foot. A first-team special teamer, Reggie played in 32 games in his two seasons with the Dolphins.
The move makes way for the young corps of Dolphin linebackers including 2010 draft picks Koa Misi (OLB), A.J. Edds and Austin Spitler. Aside from Karlos Dansby, the Dolphins also landed Tim Dobbins, another veteran linebacker, via a trade with the Denver Broncos.
Personally, I enjoyed Torbor’s experience and presence on the field. He was a cool guy (notice his finger in that picture below, guy could play through some pain). Good luck, Reggie, I wish you the best in the future.
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Miami Interested in Patrick Crayton?
Since the Bill Parcells regime has taken over in Miami, the Dolphins have brought over a lot of the same mentality, coaches and even some of the players from the Dallas Cowboys.
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Dolphin End Arrested for Hitting Pregnant Woman
Dolphins back-up defensive end Phillip Merling was arrested yesterday and charged with domestic abuse after reportedly striking a pregnant woman, according to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.
Merling, a second-round draft pick out of Clemson in 2008, was arrested Wednesday in Weston, FL, and charged with one count of aggravated battery after allegedly hitting his girlfriend (the report does not specify whether or not they were married), causing her head and face to bleed.
A Broward County judge set the bond at $15,000 and ordered Merling to stay away from the woman, who is two months pregnant with their second child.
The 6-foot-4, 305-pound Merling has made two starts in his career, including the final game against the Steelers last season. The arrest certainly doesn’t help the 25-year-old’s case for a starting spot, though. He’s expected to compete with Jared Odrick at defensive end, Miami’s 28th overall pick out of Penn State.
Merling is entering his third season in Miami, but there’s a chance this incident will have a negative impact on Merling’s status for a spot on the Dolphins 53-man roster. He was ranked 12th on the team with 33 total tackles and tied for fifth with 2 1/2 sacks last season.
As the Dolphins get ready for mini-camp Friday, Bill Parcells can’t be too happy with the team’s off-season police record, which is almost as bad as their 2009 regular season record.
Including Merling’s arrest, four Dolphins have been arrested since the month of February, including fellow defensive lineman Tony McDaniel (also domestic battery), cornerback Will Allen (DUI) and running back Ronnie Brown (DUI).
Seriously, what’s going on in South Florida? That’s exactly the sort of thing Tuna will not tolerate. Somebody needs to address this string of bad decisions before the entire starting defense ends up on parole.
As for Merling, I have a feeling his stay in Miami may be coming to an abrupt end.
Former Dolphins Safety Dies at 45
Former Dolphins safety and University of Florida legend Jarvis Williams has died of heart complications at the age of 45.
According to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, Williams died of a heart attack 16 years after retiring from the NFL. Drafted in the second round by Miami in 1988, Williams and Gators teammate Louis Oliver teamed up as the Dolphins safety tandem from 1989-1993.
The defensive back recorded 14 interceptions with the Dolphins and added two picks in his final season with the New York Giants in 1994. Williams played a total of six years in the NFL, but it was his Gator days Jarvis will be remembered by most.
Williams, one of the greatest defensive backs in Gators history, was a first-team selection on the University of Florida’s All-Century team, which was picked in 1999. He played 45 games for the Gators (1984-87) and was inducted into the Gators’ Athletic Hall of Fame in 2001.
“I am saddened by the loss of Jarvis Williams,” said Dolphins vice president Nat Moore. “He was not only a personal friend but a terrific football player for both the Miami Dolphins and Florida Gators. He dedicated his life to helping young people and it is a real tragedy to pass away at a young age.”
Suffice it to say, it’s been a tough May for the Miami Dolphins alumni.
Williams, who turned 45 only a week and a half ago, becomes the third former Dolphins player to die this month, all under the age of 50. Linebacker Nick Rogers died in a car crash on May 4 at the age of only 30 and former defensive lineman Norman Hand died of a heart attack at age 37 on May 14.
I offer my condolences to Williams’ family, friends and former teammates as well as all of those who got the esteemed privilege of watching him play.
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